goodbye 1 & 2

by Celine S., 18

Goodbye: 1

I know that saying goodbye was right…

But it was brutal

It was so brutal, it sucked the life out of us

It was so brutal I started crying on public transport when I knew I would miss my train home

And I can’t get back on that train

I can’t go 82 miles per hour on my way to that goodbye again

I can’t go 82 miles per hour on my way to see the people I love suffer when they 

won’t allow themselves to bleed into my hands

I can fill the blanks myself

Goodbye: 2

I eat her food,

I wear her dress,

I hold her daughter,

I use blush on my cheeks

and I sing because I’m a good human being and even though I struggle to think of myself that way sometimes— 

she always knew and she kept telling me so

And I know I will receive a lot of weird looks for this but—

not setting foot into her house

not coming to her funeral

is my way of staying loyal.

Heidelberg, Germany