by Sloane Massey, 15
Long before we fell apart, I subconsciously knew that we were over. It took you days to answer calls and sometimes you would disappear for a week or two without letting me know. Of course, this made me worried sick. You made me worried sick. When you care about a person so much, you just want to hold them tight and tell them everything will be okay. Even when it won’t be.
Something was bothering you, cutting into your skin. I pried a little too hard and then just like that, I was alone again. I blamed myself for months afterwards. Maybe if I had listened instead of talked, you wouldn’t have walked away. Maybe if I had cared less, my reservations wouldn’t have frightened you. Maybe if I was just different, you would tell me all of your unspoken secrets and problems.
You weren’t always quiet. The first thing I noticed about you was your charismatic laugh that turned heads and plastered smiles on faces. Overtime, the smile wore off and I became the shoulder to cry on.
I convinced myself you were the one I would be with forever. You were my rock, my person, end of story. I could’ve gone anywhere in the world as long as I was with you. Now I think maybe I was naive.
The more time we spent apart, I realized that you were my highest high and lowest low. You were the first person that ever made me cry but the first to make me feel so surreal at the same time. In the end, though, the hurt feelings and suffering outweighed all of the times I thought were good. I loved you, but you shut me out when you need somebody the most. It felt like you were sobbing in a locked room all alone as I stood behind a closed door, just waiting to be let in. And behind that closed door, I wondered over and over why I wasn’t good enough for you. I was constantly fighting for your attention, your heart. I have nothing left to fight for, and that comforts me. I no longer feel like we were a million worlds apart. I was good enough. All I ever was, was good enough. I was always there, just hoping you would tell me what was on your mind. I wore a smile for you on the rainiest of days. I picked up the phone whenever you needed to talk. I cared too much for my own good.
The weight of thinking I was never quite enough for you has been finally lifted.
The weight I started carrying long before we fell apart.
Little Silver, New Jersey
Bridge Ink 