by Jennifer K., 18 (she/her)
Sitting in a freezing room
Wondering how I left you
Crazy to believe, I know
I cried rivers, that night
I regret not speaking to you
It took time to realize
How much I missed you
Lost, just pretend
I loved you,
The truth is, I don’t trust them
I can’t control my feelings
They held all the power
All I ever did was cower
After I was gone,
You bloomed your wings like a flower
And I know it is wrong
To feel the way I do
You were my ending at the start
We dreamed of a life and I crumbled it apart
I want to create that language with you
Once again
I’ll undo that letter
I’ve a place to escape my fears,
I’ve cried enough tears
You were the light in my darkened mind.
Exhausting thoughts are spinning
Around a slippery wheel
My scars have found a way to heal
To fill the empty space
I’ve a place to escape my fears
I’ve cried enough tears
Stuck, no key
Stuck, just pretend
After so long of aimlessly holding onto
Whatever fantasy;
Fighting internally
Stuck, just pretend
Not being able to go to that person,
Your person with all your worries and happiness
Every breath depleting,
Mind aching
Time fades, people fade
The pattern is repeated
Surging through the night
Stuck, just pretend
The word love thrown around
My truth, finally admitting it
What even defines being happy?
Now after so long of aimlessly holding back
I’ll finally move on and stop suffering
In a rotational heartbreak, my heart aches
That never ceases
Stuck, just pretend
Tomorrow will flourish into another realm of
Freedom and equality
Love will soar higher than Everest’s peak
Loving a woman as you should for a man
Shouldn’t be disgusting or kept beneath
So here is to opening up my barriers,
It will be different this time
Stop pretending
Pure happiness;
A feeling or a moment when
Even on the darkest of days a flicker
Of joy flashes by and hits you
I’m done pretending
Ireland
Bridge Ink 