oh my

by Jacklyn A., 13

i wonder if my siblings will grow up and follow my example.
will they create their own paths or listen to a sample?
i wonder.
will they be happy with what they have
wish they had more or maybe a better dad? i don’t know.
i wonder.
will my siblings grow up and be what they want, move to brooklyn, maybe vermont?
i’m not sure.
all i know is that they won’t want what they have.
they won’t like their own laugh and they’re going to hate our mother’s sass.
it worries me.
i wonder.
will they spend on useless things, rise and be like kings
or maybe speak the language of creativity?
inside a box
four walls entrap me, their names are immaturity, stupidity, jealousy, and anxiety.
whispers from the wind, wrap me in arms and tell me you are no longer winged.
i can no longer fly, who says i ever did?
my worries and wonders have pulled me down, on who will i rely?
to pull me back up when i have flown way too high.
enough about me.
my sister.
my brother.
will they see my insanity?
will they believe in humanity?
will they follow my nonreligious beliefs? forget about a god and a priest?
will they forget me in total?
will their intelligence go global?
i wonder.
will they reach the age of 50?
am i feeling guilty?
just pull me in and take me under.
my wonders.
will everything that has happened to me have an impact on those surrounding me?
i wonder.
will my sister be okay?
and my brother live to see another day?
i wonder.
will they wake up at 3 a.m. and cry themselves back to bed?
will they scream out my name when they need me?
will they ever want to see me?
i wonder.
that true happiness smile, the one you’ll spot from miles, will it still be there?
4 years ago i was the baby of the family.
two kids that look up at me so happily,
they don’t know how much of a mess i am.
i wonder.
will they carry these same worries?
create even worse stories or… am i just crazy?
i wonder.
so many wonders.