roller coaster

by Alexandra L., 15

I suddenly feel invisible.
You can see right through me.
Life is
getting me down.
I’m swimming at night.
There’s no light.
I’m going to drown.
Where are those arms?
The ones I relied on to hold me up; they’re gone.
Now I’m stranded at sea.
Why can’t they see me?
Why would God leave me here, floating, endlessly?
Where is he?
So many people “love me”
but when they’re needed,
they’re nowhere to be seen.
Walk right through me
ghostly personalities,
hiding unwanted opinions
they don’t want me to see.
So many strangers surrounding me.
The ones I now know the least
used to be the closest to me.
Now, they’re part of a past reality.
A dream that used to be
an eternity.
Sometimes I miss them,
used to be my brother…
I loved him.
He disappeared,
or maybe I did.
But we drifted away,
and now I couldn’t recognize his face.
And mine?
It got older.
So did my mind.
I grew up in three short years,
left some people behind.
Carried the rest with me here.
The eye of the hurricane,
everlasting storm,
trying to fit that non-existent “norm.”
Sometimes I accidentally listen to those people
yelling at me.
Even when they’re right, they’re wrong,
and when I try to explain why,
they’re gone.
I’m left there
empty stage,
no audience.
No one listening to
hear what’s making me want to give in,
give up,
give out.
I’m losing that energy
that at one time made me
Speak. It’s now silencing me.
My new words aren’t good enough.
Not good enough for you.
Not good enough for them.
Not good enough for me.
Red Bank, New Jersey