what i know

by Sophia B., 18

I know now that life is an uphill battle to keep moving
That awaking eyelids is a task which requires gold medal weightlifters
Each emotion blends to form a colorful but indistinguishable stream, we are cogs
on a spiral to quickly impending doom, peanuts
in the grand scheme of suffering
That my ancestors ran from their starvation
But I am hungry to not be reminded of that each day
Melancholia tucked away on the worn wooden shelf
for fear of being overdramatic
That there is an incredibly fatal disease, infecting everyone out there
It keeps them up at night drinking buckets of chamomile tea, trying to soothe all too real
fears about the world ending
What I know is that violence is in my blood
It flows back and forth between the cultures of my people, family and fellow teenagers
A silver rosary drapes over the television but I’m not sure it does anything but collect
dust
That life is a Time Magazine cover from the dusty section of every thrift shop
No matter how joyful, always black and white, grey filter on celebration
Each moment is underscored by the background music of horror movies, anticipation of
an unspoken evil
Oh, how I want to feel alive for once, feel something other than fear. Is that moment too
far gone?
The Earth hums with a music I cannot hear
If you crane your neck you are supposed to feel its rhythms
I try each day yet hear nothing
Just a shell left ashore

Hoboken, New Jersey